Growing in God

Usually I can just sit down and start writing. The words just seem to flow but this time was different. I was nervous and anxious but I wasn't sure why. Despite knowing what I wanted to write about, I kept delaying the inevitable. Why wasn't it flowing? Why was I being so hesitant about writing this time? Was it because it was too personal or hitting a little too close to home? Or maybe I wasn't making it a priority. I decided "enough was enough" and I needed to get this out. I believe that if God puts something on your heart, you better listen. No need to miss blessings because of laziness. Throughout my journey in growing in God, I have tried to be a better person, making adjustments here and there just like we all do. Most of those changes didn't cause much of a fuss in my life and seemed easy— but then God challenged me. Why was it okay for me to grow in God but not others?

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. - Romans 14:13 NIV

We are all guilty of judging others. No matter how many church services we attend or holy communions we take, at some point in our lives we have judged someone else. Whether it be how they dress, how they look, or even how they raise their children. We have all done it. Primarily we judge others based on how their behavior or actions measure up to our moral compass. This is a part of life but I realized that even if the person has changed, often we don't allow the perception of how we think of them to change. We create this barrier in our minds that blocks out their growth. We refuse to believe that our pettiness is no longer warranted or excusable. I was guilty of all of these things. Why was I still holding on to stuff people did in college or even last year? How could I grow in God but not give them the grace that God so eagerly gives to us?

After the nagging feeling just wouldn't go away, I started to evaluate myself. I realized that whatever I was holding on to was holding me back from being greater. So I made a decision that I would allow others to grow in God. Who was I to refuse that? If someone reached out or apologized for their wrongs, I wouldn't secretly wish they didn't so I could be the “better person.” Also, I decided to not let the opinions of others prevent me from developing my own opinion of someone. Just like I grew, others can too.

As women in this crazy NFL life it is easy to just judge others or refuse to associate with someone based on who they used to be. As women we should challenge one another to grow in God not through criticism or judgment but through love. Growing in God is a blessing that is not limited to the few that qualify; it is open to everyone.

Featured WAGS Dionne Boldin: Wife, Mother, Philanthropist #GameChanger!

Sincere, gracious, genuine, intelligent, chic and classy AND that is to say the least. Mrs. Dionne Boldin, wife of Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year, Anquan Boldin, is more than what meets the eye. Dionne is as fabulous as she appears in her killa’ #selfies we see on social media with a timeless air of bold self-confidence. A wife first, mother to two boys second and a philanthropist third, who believes in not only leaving a legacy of giving but creating the mindset to give as well.

Name: Dionne Boldin

Husband/Teams: Anquan Boldin (Cardinals, Ravens, 49ers, Lions)

Children: Ashton (6) & Anquan “AJ” (12)

What #hashtag describes you best: #gamechanger

FUN FACTS

Favorite place to vacation: It’s a tie between Greece & Paris

Best Concert you’ve EVER been to: Beyonce

Interesting Fact about yourself: I’m Jamaican

Hobbies: Traveling & cooking

Your favorite memory: Giving birth to my boys

PERSONAL DETAILS

Where are you originally from and how did you get to where you are now?

DB: I am from Belgrade, FL, which is a little town in West Palm Beach County. We now live in Delray Beach, FL so we are still surrounded by our family. We chose to live near this area specifically early on so we could be closer to our family and create a home base, which was especially important to us as the kids got older.

How did you and your husband meet? What’s your love story?

DB: We met in high school. He is from Pahake (FL), a neighboring small town to the one where I grew up so we have always known each other and we met in probably 5th grade. I was a junior and he was a senior when we started dating in high school. After that, we both went to the same college, Florida State University.

ON THE NFL

What are some of the challenges of being married to an NFL player and what do you like about it?

DB: I like the platform it affords us. The ability to be able to walk into a scenario where you instantly have a platform for whatever your cause may be has always meant a lot to me. As a wife, there is a fine line between staying in a supportive role to your husband and positioning your platform in a way that you are grabbing the right audiences as well. Your presence, your behavior is important because people are always watching to see if you are going to screw up and that makes a difference as far as the type of “positioning” and respect you’ll garner. I have known my husband since he was very young so it has always been great to be able to see him live his dream. What I don’t like about it (and that’s the hard part because we knew what we signed up for)--I do miss having privacy. I miss being able to go anywhere and him not being noticed. I will say that I don’t like the scrutiny that the guys get. The fans can rip them apart for the smallest things and they are seen as“just athletes” when in reality, many of these men are fathers, husbands and genuinely good guys.

WR: What are some of your favorite fondest WAGS memories?

DB: I like the camaraderie. Every team has their own sense of camaraderie and there are always a few wives who will reach out to you when you first arrive. From team to team, I have picked up life-long friends. Whether we are out to dinner with the girls or at a game, those moments (the time spent together) are some of my favorite memories. Of course, Super Bowl year with the Ravens was another fond memory. My time in San Francisco was one of my favorite memories.  In both Baltimore and San Francisco, I led the women's Bible studies.  Being one of the “older girls” in the group, I enjoyed seeing the younger girls grow. I learned so much about each of these girls and really enjoyed pouring into them.

ON FASHION & STYLE

WR: Is fashion a hobby for you or a love? We’ve seen your Instagram looks and are impressed to say the least!

DB: I’ve kinda always loved fashion. Over the years, I have tried to switch it up and make my look different and fun. I went out on a limb last year and brought on a stylist.  We have been working together for over a year so at this point, we are friends now and we’re just having fun! In my free time, we talk fashion and put looks together. At some point in my life, I will be in the fashion industry. Where? I don’t know. For now, I am building my budding  personal shopping concierge service called The Art of Shopping.

WR: What are your favorite pieces and collections that you have been wearing recently?

DB: Everything Gucci is doing is really great right now.

WR: Any all time favorite designers?

DB: Hermes or Chanel, accessories wise. I like what St. Laurent has been doing the last few seasons. My favorite pieces are Jackets and Bombers and I like nice, structured blazers by Balmain.

WR: Don’t we all?...!

ON THE ANQUAN BOLDIN FOUNDATION & WALTER PAYTON NFL MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD

WR: Your foundation work and charitable contributions are nothing short of amazing! Tell us more?

DB: Thank you very much. We started the foundation in 2004 and originally it was just an opportunity to give however that may be. My husband and I both grew up in underprivileged areas and our thought was that we would create opportunities only for those communities. So that is what we have been doing every since we started. In each city where Anquan has played, we have tried to serve in whatever and wherever that city had its specific needs. About two years ago, we created an endowment: It’s a $1 million dollar scholarship in San Francisco and Palm Beach areas for students who academically deserve and have shown a commitment to community service. Our mindset has always been to give and share wherever there is a need but more specifically, we want to CREATE a mindset of givers as opposed to just leaving a legacy where we were the only ones giving.

WR: Has there been one particular charitable experience or individual story that you really valued?

DB: Yes and I definitely see the results. For example, we had one kid who was expelled from his high school. He later went back and got his GED so we gave him a scholarship and now he’s a teacher and started a mentoring program back home (in FL). You can really change lives and shift their perspective and anybody that has been helped, anyone I have poured into- I hope I have created a mindset that this is what YOU need to do as well. We also have a family in San Francisco right now where the mother was homeless with two boys. We put her in an apartment where all of her bills are paid for, for the next year. She’s now saving money, on track to support herself and I speak to her at least every other week making sure she is doing everything she “should” be doing. I like the building of the relationships as well. We aren’t helping you to leave you. Life is about relationships and serving. There are so many rich people in the world who are mentally poor.

WR: Your Husband was recently awarded the Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year. What type of impact has this had on you and your family?

DB: It’s impacted us in two ways. It has afforded us a platform to get our message out to a different group. This year as well as the year before he was nominated, we’ve seen such a jump in interest. I also like the notoriety of this award. The NFL finally displaying a positive light on the men enables me to appreciate the League for putting this award, front and center. There are so many guys doing the same kind of work who are as deserving. Secondly, we have been able to spend some personal time with the Payton Family. Growing up, Walter Payton was Anquan’s hero. They (The Paytons) are “who they say they are” and they are great people to be around.

IN CONCLUSION

WR: That is powerful. Shifting a bit as it’s wedding season and you have been married for over 10 years now. Every day, we see another picture of a beautiful bride. Before we wrap up, do you have any veteran marriage advice or tips for a newlywed?

DB: I have learned to prioritize one another and even before your kids. Prioritize your marriage and your spouse, which seems difficult when we have babies running around but putting kids in their place has helped us a lot. During the season, I do what’s uncomfortable for me and sometimes that requires me to do what’s not physically comfortable because I travel to every game. It gives us some time alone so I make it a priority. Keep people out of your business! That means not involving your girlfriends or your mother or father but keep your business at home. In the world of sports, there are a lot of insecurities floating around and rightfully so but, give your husband the opportunity to protect you.

WR: You seem like a lady who gets "it" all done!  Tell us, what do you do in your home that no one else can do?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jq626fEPjzQ

Putting the OFF in offseason

OK, OK.  So, I know technically it's not exactly the “off season” but most of our guys do have a few weeks where they don’t have to report to the facilities.  I remember the first year I realized that the guys had some time off in the summer and I was so excited for beach trips and fun in the sun with my man! Little did I know I was going to be disappointed.  

Summer around the NFL can mean football camps, weddings, agent extravaganzas and babies (if you were lucky enough to time it just right.)  The adorable child-fans are finally out of school and can't wait to see their favorite players, whether it’s signing autographs, attending their camps or seeing them train outside in the hot sun of their local neighborhoods. Engaged NFL couples that weren’t married in the spring are probably getting married in the summer.  After spending the whole day in the sun working our honey's camps -coordinating kids and volunteers, directing people on where to go AND reminding everyone about the importance of hydration (other people worry about that right? or is that just me?), you are probably still not heading home for a nap.  You’re most likely running errands, picking out a baby gift, washing clothes and packing for your next trip or entertaining your own child for the rest of the day. Don’t get me wrong, I love it and I know my honey does too. So much that he started a foundation to make sure that I never have free time—I mean, to give back to the community.

Looking at our calendar we are busy ALL SUMMER SIXTEEN *insert Drake voice here*. We have one weekend that we don’t have anything planned but we also need to pack up our entire house, so my guess is THAT will be that weekend.  Trust me, I’m not complaining.  What I’m trying to say is: SUMMER IS EXHAUSTING!

So here are a few things to do to relax and get in your slice of personal time with little to no planning.

1. Backyard Dinners

I haven’t tried this one quite yet but I’ve been waiting to. Something about the summer night sky that is just as beautiful as it was when I was a kid gets me every time.  Send the kids to bed, grandma’s or even a friend’s house.  Order something good from one of those amazing new delivery services (postmates, favor, foodie call, eat in out etc.) that don’t just deliver fast food.  Open a bottle of wine and just have dinner.  If you want something with a little more "pizazz", you can hire a chef, a two or three person wait staff or a personal bartender for the night.  If you have a hot tub or pool then a late night dip after dinner may not be a bad option either.

2. Have him try your workout (and vice versa)!

Even in the off-season our guys are making sure they are staying in shape and ready for camp. Oftentimes, I run off to one work out and my honey runs off to another.  So, a few years ago I introduced him to a Barre work out that I had been doing and HE LOVED IT.  So much that he got his friends together and they do Barre without me!  Sometimes I tag along to his gym workouts and do what I can and he encourages me when I get embarrassed (nothing like tripping over agility ropes around professional athletes.)  I love these days because I get to see how hard he’s working and it just feels good to hear his encouragement and excitement. This also leads to impromptu lunch dates and great laughs for the rest of the day because I’m not the most athletic.

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3. Go see a movie

No, not “date night."  Go in the middle of the day. Actually, go right after a football camp. Go when you’re hot, sweaty and just plain tired. It’s a great way to simply relax. It's cold and the theater is likely empty and guess what?  You don’t even have to talk. You’ve probably been on your feet, talking, entertaining and directing everyone else all day long.  A midday movie is a great way to escape away from phones and e-mails and reset for the rest of the day.

4. Shopping

For me, sometimes shopping is a chore. I’m lugging around a baby or chasing around a toddler most of the time.  I can’t zip myself, I tend to get annoyed by the large heaps of unorganized clothes and I don’t like crowds. What I do enjoy is when we use a weekday and we ditch the kid (usually he’s at daycare but if you’re a SAHM try swapping play dates with a friend to get away—"it takes a village.")  These shopping dates double as fun and functional.  We go off in search of an outfit for an event or wedding and it's fun because we get to laugh when things look horrible, he’s there to hold my things and even catch a glimpse of my nakie *insert winking face here*.  Then, I get to help him pick out a coordinating outfit and if you’re particularly stylish (unlike myself) you get to dress him up. When you give yourself time to do this kind of shopping its actually pretty fun and light.

5. Test Drive Cars

This may not be everyone’s cup of tea but I find something particularly fun about test driving dream cars.  My husband doesn’t have a multimillion dollar contract and that’s totally okay with me but, that’s not going to stop me from at least test driving the car of my dreams!  Call me simple, basic or whatever but some luxury cars have features that are very cool to test out (I drive a 2016 Ford Edge so I may be easily impressed.) Keep in mind that these test drives don’t have to be at the dealerships.  Many rental car companies keep dream cars in stock and you can use a quick Google search for exotic car rentals and rent one there.  So why not rent one of those for the next time y’all will be out running errands?  Take the long way home or head to a drive in movie together!

I may never own my dream car, we may not visit every place on my bucket list and there have been years where a trip wasn’t in the plans.  In fact, we still haven’t gone on our “honeymoon."  We spent a few days fishing at someone else’s lake house, eating horrible Mexican food and takeout for the days immediately following our April wedding.  I laugh when I remember walking out of a dressing room to find my husband leaned against a wall asleep.  My heart is full when I think about how hard he tried to make the perfect proposal only to have us sleep in a literal "roach motel" that night because he forgot to book a room in San Antonio (full disclaimer, we had to buy our own sheets and Lysol because it was so dirty).

Trust me, I understand the urge to want to escape to a beach far away, especially when so many of our friends are posting about their extravaganzas.  But I’ve learned through the years that the time I spend with my husband isn’t any more special, domestic or abroad.  We will continue to make sure we cater to our relationship as we strive to impact others and be supportive of our friends.

What are some things you are doing to make sure you get a little alone time with your guy? Drop us a comment and give your fellow WAGS some suggestions!

Jonesing for the NFL Life

We have all heard the phrase “keeping up with the Joneses,” but for the NFL Family this can be very dangerous. One of the first things I tell my clients is “contrary to popular belief everyone in the NFL is not a millionaire.” Matter of fact, most players are not millionaires and most won’t ever be in that tax bracket solely based on their NFL contracts. From private flights to the infamous red bottom shoe wall, the stereotypical NFL life can be every family’s dream. Honestly, who wouldn’t want to fly private? No pesky security lines or stress of fitting your entire life into 50 pounds or less. But the reality is sometimes flying commercial now prevents you from being broke later. The Athlete

Immediately after players declare for the draft, they are propelled into a life of temptation. From expensive watches or loan advancements for new cars, the stereotypical NFL life seems to be a dream come true. Most players are instantly persuaded by agents, homeboys, family members and even some NFL teammates that they should live like a baller. The irony in this is that most of those influencers who push for the elaborate lifestyle would not be able to live the lifestyle without the generosity of the player.

For the athlete, the pressure to live a lavish lifestyle is very real. They must have the latest Jordan’s and designer brands including the famous Louis belt. Yes clothes, cars and bags are important but the true burden comes from nightlife spending. During the lockout, several players flocked to Miami to train but to also party. We have all heard of “Liv on Sunday,” and Liv was definitely aware of all of the NFL money that was in town. Players spending between $7,000 and $10,000 on a table every weekend was the norm, and complaining about it was simply unacceptable. No one cares about “how their accounts are set up.” If they are in the club, then they are buying tables because once they become a NFL player the expectation of high end living is the new standard.

The Family

The athlete isn’t the only one facing the pressures of living high. NFL wives are judged by their bags, shoes, cars and even eyelashes. Yes even eyelashes! From elaborate weddings and discussions about who has the biggest ring, the standards are high even if your accounts are low. Eyes are watching and unfortunately this is the downfall of a lot of NFL families. Wives aren’t the only ones who fall victim to the extravagant life, family members and homeboys who all of a sudden can no longer take care of themselves and assume the player is now responsible for their existence are some of the biggest culprits in perpetuating the bravado.

The Reality

The truth is some players don’t learn that they can’t keep up with the Joneses until they are already knee deep in debt. Car payments, multiple mortgages, high credit card limits, and countless depreciating assets create unnecessary stress on both the athlete and the family. Someone who is making $500,000 a year can’t live the same lifestyle that someone who is making $10,000,000 a year without some pretty crafty investing. Unfortunately, I have witnessed it all from selling all they had to sending out mass texts to people they barely know asking for $20,000 loans.

The reality: Don’t let the time in the NFL be a waste. Become the Jones don’t try to keep up with them.

For more information on how to start a business or a nonprofit, email me at tpatterson@definitivesportsrepresentation.com.

Tenisha Patterson Brown, Esq.

Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless

I Believe in the GOD in Me

“I Believe In The God In Me”

Mark 9:24b, “….Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”

1 John 4:4, “You are of God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is he who is in you than he who is in the world.”

You will inevitably become a product of what you believe in. This is a truth because your decisions are based on your beliefs. One thing that holds true is that your husbands believed in you and that’s why you are married today. The second truth is that they do and have also believed in themselves. They have come to this place in life that they committed and worked so hard to get to, but they couldn’t have done it without your love and support.

Just like you have to make a daily and conscious decision to believe in who God created you to be, you also have to believe in the fact that the God living in you is greater than any situation or circumstance that you will ever face.

As women, it seems as though we are constantly fighting a battle of believing in who we are, what God has called us to do, if we are good enough, pretty enough, fit enough, strong enough, loving enough, nurturing enough and the list goes on and on. One thing that I know about God is that He makes no mistakes. Not ever! He fearfully and wonderfully made you in His likeness and in His image. The trick of the enemy is to fight against what God has said about you so that you don’t accomplish the thing(s) you were sent by God to accomplish. Daily you must build up your most holy faith, and that starts with your prayer time and bible study time. Here are 6 things you must believe about yourself to understand the BIG God that is on the inside of you shining on the outside of you (these are according to Blaine Bartel):

1. I have been given power over the devil (1 John 4:4)
2. I have been given power over every circumstance in my life (Mark 11:23)
3. I have a strong body that has been healed by the stripes taken on Jesus’ back (Matthew 8:17)
4. I have the ability to control my mind and cast out evil thoughts (2 Cor. 10:4,5)
5. I am poised for success and will not accept any defeat as final (1 Cor. 15:57)
6. I hate sin but love all people and have favor everywhere I go (Proverbs 12:2)

Remember that God The Father (HE is your Father) is bigger than any and everything! You have the greatest covering, love and cheering squad living on the inside of you.

Let’s Pray…

Father, thank You for your awesomeness and loving kindness. You have given us the greatest gift and that was Your son, Jesus Christ. Lord, I thank You, that you will strengthen these women in every area of their lives. Show them the way You see them and not the way they see themselves. Allow them to lean on You for everything that they need. Allow them to see your greatness and how it over shadows their lives. In every empty place fill them up until they overflow. In every dry place replenish with life and abundance. I speak increase, love, peace and joy over their lives. Thank you Lord for inclining Your ear to hear our petition. As it is in heaven so shall it be on earth in Jesus name, Amen.

NFL Player Engagement Programs Focus on Life Beyond the NFL

Playing in the NFL is a dream for many but only attained by few. It is a small fraternity of men and their families that are connected forever. The NFL launched the NFL Families initiative that not only focused on active players but former players as well, and how they defined FAMILY. It’s more than adorable Dad-Do commercials and invigorating ads, the NFL Family initiative is bridging that gap between the images of fantasy players to seeing players as real people too! Part of this initiative includes the NFL Player Engagement (NFLPE) which focuses on three themes: Prep, Life, and Next.

NFL Prep is for high school and college student-athletes of all sports, and provides them with tools to help them succeed in life, focused on awareness, prevention, and education. NFL Life provides active NFL players with professional and personal development resources, “while supporting and educating players’ families to take full advantage of the opportunities afforded to them by their NFL experience.” NFL Next Legends “serve, equip, and empower former players and their families during the transition from their NFL experience and throughout their lives.” See www.nflplayerengagement.com for more information.

Many players have taken advantage of the various resources available through the NFL Player Engagement. However, there are some players who are completely unaware of the benefits of these resources during their career and in planning for their post-NFL career. From coaching boot camps to personal finance workshops, the Player Engagement programs prove to be worth it. Some programs are even open to spouses. See below for some of the programs scheduled for this year:

NFL BOOT CAMP PERSONAL FINANCE: April 4th-April 7th, 2016

This program will take place in Fort Lauderdale, Florida offering a relaxed learning environment for current and former players and their significant others. This year’s program will provide participants the opportunity to acquire knowledge that directly relates to their finances and lifestyles. Education will be provided by TD Ameritrade and the University of Miami’s School of Business Administration.

NFL BOOT CAMP SPORTS JOURNALISM & RADIO: April 14th-17th, 2016

Sports Journalism and Radio Boot Camp will take place at Bowling Green State University. This boot camp provides the opportunity for current and former players to enhance their writing skills, build journalism and radio portfolios, and receive on-site feedback and mentoring from ESPN Radio, Westwood One, and Bowling Green faculty. Following the completion of this boot camp, qualified candidates may have the opportunity to participate on ESPN Radio.

NFL BOOT CAMP ADVANCED BROADCASTING: May 16th - 19th, 2016

The NFL Advanced Broadcast Boot Camp takes place in Mt. Laurel, NJ at NFL Films and is open to those who have completed Broadcasting Boot Camp. This provides the opportunity to build on the foundation from previous training and strengthen broadcasting skills. This program provides increased knowledge and follow through with more possible job opportunities and internships.

NFL BOOT CAMP BROADCASTING: May 16th-19th, 2016

This year Player Engagement celebrates the 10th annual Broadcasting Boot Camp. Broadcasting Boot Camp provides players on-set training in broadcasting to build experience and determine interests. Players can explore multiple on-air job functions in television/media. Key learnings include: Tape study, show preparation, field reporting, and production meetings.

Bill Walsh NFL Minority Coaching Fellowship

Providing talented minority coaches an opportunity to observe and participate during NFL OTA’s, mini and training camp and assist them in gaining experience to pursue a full-time NFL coaching position.

Resources

MyGoalline.com

In this site, you will find information about your benefits as an NFL player. These benefits protect you while you play, help ease the transition to life and work after football, and provide a base upon which to build for your retirement. We believe that, overall, these benefits are the best available in professional sports. https://www.mygoalline.com/

All Pro Dads

Our message will inspire you to embrace who you are, give you tenderness of heart, and boldness of character as a dad and husband. We are consistently here for you to provide guidance and practical tips in raising your kids in a life giving way.  http://www.allprodad.com/

NFL Foundation

The NFL Foundation is the league’s nonprofit organization representing the 32 NFL clubs. Its mission is to support the health, safety and wellness of athletes, youth football and the communities which support our game. http://www.nflfoundation.org/

Professional Football Wives Association

The Professional Football Wives Association (PFWA) was founded on a mission comprised of three basic tenets: Faith, Family and Football. PFWA's mission is to be a faith based organization that promotes unity and friendship among football wives, fiancées, and girlfriends, that positively redefines the stereotypes of NFL families, and that serves as a support system for women of the NFL. http://www.profootballwives.org

Don’t see a program you like? Contact the NFL Player Engagement office at www.nflplayerengagement.com for more information.

“Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.” - Benjamin Franklin

For more information email me at: tpatterson@definitivesportsrepresentation.com!

Tenisha Patterson Brown, Esq.

Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless

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Instagram: @TPattBrown

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Infertility: Fighting the Stigma

Most women, especially women who wait until later in life to have children, know about the infamous age-35 rule. Once you turn 35, there is a higher risk of babies born with birth defects but, more importantly, a higher risk of never getting pregnant at all. As a barely-30-year-old woman, I never imagined that I would have difficulty getting pregnant. I also never imagined that I would have so many friends and associates that were battling with the same issue, but who were too afraid or embarrassed to share their stories.

What is Infertility?

According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, "infertility is defined as the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after 12 months of trying to conceive. If you are over the age of 35, the time frame is shortened to 6 months." There are a variety of issues that cause infertility, most of which won't be discovered until a couple fails to get pregnant.

The Stigma

As I walked into the fertility facility for the first time, there was a dry erase board conveniently placed right next to the elevator. On the board was a list of the top 10 strategies on "how to deal with infertility." Some of the strategies included avoiding baby showers and deflecting the conversations about conception, primarily because people can be insensitive about the issue.

My husband and I thought some of the strategies seemed a bit extreme, but there had to be a reason they needed this board. We entered the lobby and it was filled with women who looked like me. They were my age; some dressed professionally, stopping in before work and others were with their husbands.

The one commonality was that no one dared to make eye contact. Everyone was anxious or seemingly on the verge of tears. No one said a word, and as my husband and I conversed about what to expect we received side glances by those who assumed that we didn't know the proper decorum. It was admittedly unsettling. Why did these women feel this way?

Fighting the Stigma

Regardless of how much you accomplish in life, there is still an expectation of becoming a mother. If that doesn't happen quickly, then you must be doing something wrong or there is something wrong with you.

Once my husband and I were married, I was immediately bombarded with questions concerning the creation of miniature versions of ourselves. After a year of no baby, I was then bombarded with questions about why I didn't want to have children - a grossly misguided assumption. Despite the inappropriate comments by those who weren't privileged to know the complete rundown of my medical history, I wasn't prepared for the reactions I would receive once I started sharing my story.

Despite initial reluctance from loved ones, I decided to be completely open about my journey to motherhood. Initially, I started to blog about my journey as an alternative to stressing over pills and shots, but it quickly turned into so much more. I wrote candidly about my struggles and the path that I was taking to become a mother.

As I began to share my story, I immediately received emails from women who thanked me for being so open about my journey. They expressed how they had been struggling for years and felt alone, but were too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. I realized that my candidness was not for me but for those women who couldn't speak for themselves. There is no shame in your struggle and there is no shame in fighting to become a mother.

For more information about My Journey to Motherhood visit my blog www.fiercefabulousflawless.com.

Tenisha Patterson Brown, Esq.

Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless!

Taking Time to Enjoy the Grind

  As budding entrepreneurs or established businesswomen, we often push ourselves to the limit for the sake of the “grind.” We feel like there’s simply not enough time in the day although we know if we were given just another hour, we would fill it up with another task. By nature we are multitaskers and especially when we become mothers, but sometimes we spend so much time worrying about others and our respective businesses that we forget about ourselves. Yes I’m all about the grind but I have to constantly remind myself of the old age idiom “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

According to numerous research studies on occupational health overwork and the resulting stress, results in health problems include but are not limited to: impaired sleep, heavy drinking, depression and heart disease.

Several studies have been performed about the dangers of overworking but the one that stood out the most was conducted by the Harvard Business Review entitled The Research is Clear: Long Hours Backfire for People and Their Companies. This concept can be applied to business and to home life. Overworking is a common theme for our generation whether driven by personal success or the fear of being outdone.

We believe that by working longer or spending more time harping over a particular issue, that somehow it will result in a better outcome. However the opposite is true. According to numerous research studies on occupational health overwork and the resulting stress, results in health problems include but are not limited to: impaired sleep, heavy drinking, depression and heart disease.

Honestly, as I read through the article I was shocked. How is it possible that extending your hours into the late night results in such dramatic health issues? I quickly recalled that overworking is in fact the opposite of the doctor’s orders. Everything we have been told in the past to live a healthy life is the complete opposite of the constant grind mode. Our grind mode fails to account for necessities such as proper sleep and nutrition. If you are unbothered by the potential health risks, the fact that longer hours doesn’t always equate to better results should concern you. The purpose of working longer is to accomplish more. However, this is not always the case. Apparently, working too hard leads to diminishing returns simply because as you become more tired, you start making more mistakes (the kind of mistakes you don't make when your mind is fresh).

As an attorney and entrepreneur, I had to learn this lesson the hard way. My drive to have successful businesses was actually harming them. I was a one-woman show and when I was not at my best, neither were my companies. After months of late nights and neglecting my personal life, I realized that working well into the night every night was neither beneficial for my businesses or for my marriage. I was forced to develop boundaries because my passion was becoming my burden. When creating your own business, it's difficult to take a step back because it is your baby. You want to see it grow! However, it's crucial to learn when it’s quitting time.

I have heard several of my colleagues and friends say that they can enjoy life once they have achieved their goals. The problem with this mentality is that it lives for the future which is uncertain, not guaranteed. The here and now should take priority. After speaking with several successful people that are at or close to retirement age, the most common regret they had was not enjoying life when they were younger. So I challenge all “grinders” to continue your grind but take some time to enjoy it!

For more information on business devleopment or for business advice, contact me at tpatterson@definitivesportsrepresentation.com. 

Tenisha Patterson Brown, Esq.

Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless

Q&A with NFL Fiancee LaKisha Gunn: "I Want to Open My Own Home Care Agency"

This week's WAG Feature Wednesday is of the beautiful, intelligent, and ambitious LaKisha Gunn. LaKisha and I were introduced by our significant others, who played together while on the Panthers and remain good friends today. I'll never forget when I was dating my husband, LaKisha's fiancé Captain told me, "Just make sure I'm invited to the wedding." A short time after that day, these two attended our wedding in Atlanta. I enjoyed catching up with LaKisha on her way to her nursing gig in Minnesota. Read more on career, weddings, and a fab proposal with this busy bride-to-be!

NFL WAG Stats

ame: LaKisha Gunn

Fiancé:  Captain Munnerlyn

Fiance is Rookie or Veteran: Veteran. 7th season (Carolina Panthers for 5 years, 2 years with Vikings) 

NFLWAG: 1.5 years

Cities You've Lived in with NFL:  Charlotte and Minneapolis 

Off Season Home: Charlotte

Favorite Food: I love seafood although I have a slight allergy to it. Crab legs are my favorite! 

Music on your iTunes: The last thing I bought was Tyrese’s album but I have a wide variety of music from Lil Boosie, Adele, J Cole, Journey, Beyonce, Anthony Hamilton (my favorite), and of course Gospel music.

Hobbies: I enjoy reading but haven’t read anything recent due to working and planning the wedding. 

Interesting Facts: I have been an RN for over 10 years. I went to Danville Regional Medical Center School of Nursing and then Winston-Salem State University in Winston Salem, NC to get my Bachelors (BSN). I am a little shy at times but easy to get to know. 

Being that far away from family and friends is kinda hard." - LaKisha Gunn, NFL Fiancee 

Q&A

M: Where are you from originally and how did you get to where you are now?

LG: I’m originally from Danville, VA. When I was 24, I decided it was time for me to leave my small hometown and I moved to Charlotte. I had a friend who lived in Charlotte and felt it was an up and coming city so I said why not? I was offered a job and within about three months I made the move. I’ve been in Charlotte six and a half years now.

LM: What’s your schedule like as a nurse?

LG: I’ve worked with the same long term care/ rehabilitation facility for about five years in Charlotte. My schedule was pretty flexible but once Cap [Captain] was acquired by the Vikings, I had to quit my job. That was tough for me because I had been there five years and had gotten attached to the families, patients, and my coworkers. Now that we’re in Minnesota, I am currently the Director of Nursing for a home care agency and my schedule is very flexible. I am able to make my own schedule and work from home some days. I’ve been able to work with some great people and climb the ladder. I’ve heard those words, “Your resume is so awesome. Can you start tomorrow?” It’s been a blessing. God has been so good to me. Moving to Minnesota meant putting my career on hold and essentially starting over but I’m able to find work wherever I go.

LM: How did you and Captain meet? 

LG: We met three or four years ago at a night club in Charlotte. He tried to talk to me and I wasn’t having it. Unfortunately, due to the stereotypes, I was not trying to talk to a football player, plus I was in a relationship at the time. I told him, “I know how you guys are and what you say.” He was like, “Just give me a chance!” I was pretty firm and said, “Nope. Not doing it.” We didn’t exchange numbers or anything that night. Almost two years ago I ran into him again in a nightclub but this time I was single and my cousin was with me. Cap talked to my cousin and said, “I’m trying to talk to her and she won’t give me the time of day.” My cousin insisted that I should give him a chance and I finally gave in and exchanged numbers with him. The rest is history and it all kind of happened fast. Cap tells me he respected the fact that I didn’t care who he was. 

LM: When you know you know! What was the transition into the NFL lifestyle like for you?

LG: For me, coming to Minnesota has been totally different from Charlotte. Being that far away from family and friends is kinda hard. One of Cap’s old college teammates is on the Vikings and his girlfriend is here and she’s from VA as well. We became really really close friends. Having her here helped me out and vice versa. It’s just easier when you know someone going through the same thing you are.

LM: How did your fiancé propose? 

LG: Cap proposed on my birthday last year. I was working on my birthday and when I got off work, he had invited friends to a restaurant where we all met up.

Let me back up. Before we went to the restaurant, Cap was getting all cute and I was like, “Why are you looking so cute!" (lol) You know I had to change [clothes]. I felt like something was different because people were calling me all day who would usually text. I was thinking I’m turning 31 so it’s just another year. He had called my parents and asked for my hand in marriage so my dad was being all sentimental and I wondered why.

hen we arrived at the restaurant, a photographer snapped photos of us as we walked in. Cap’s response to the photographer was “Oh yeah, that’s what this restaurant does close to Christmas.” So the photographer is snapping photos the entire time and our friends are there. Captain has all the gifts by the table and he's giving our friends signals with hand gestures (which I didn't notice at the time). I’ m going through the gifts and the last one is a Chanel bag. I was so excited and thinking to myself he has made this such a special day for me.I’m such a simple person and Cap knows that. At this point, the whole restaurant was quiet. He said, “You have one more gift,” and bent down on one knee to propose.  After I said “Damn Right” LOL (the non-typical answer…I still can’t believe I said that), we danced in the middle of the restaurant. I was shocked and there was so much going on. It was a surreal moment! It was awesome. He did great.

LM: I love it! Great story. How’s wedding planning going? What’s been your wedding inspiration?   

LG: To be honest, I could have a small wedding. I could have a destination wedding or go to the courthouse. Captain is the one who really wants to have a big wedding!

LM: And you have to plan it!

LG: Yeah, and I have to plan it! I want it to be nice. I just want it to be beautiful for us and our family. There hasn’t been any weddings in a very long time on either side of the families. This is really huge for us both.

LM: Do you have your theme or colors?

LG: Yes, we’ve chosen our colors. We are going with my favorite color which is purple, his favorite color of blue, and a hint of silver. We set a date. Our wedding is June 25th, 2016.

LM: Nice! Our wedding was June 26, 2015. Seems like most football couples get married around that time.

LG: Yes, because of football season! That was the only date that really worked. Originally, I wanted to do something with a date of 10 because both of our birthdays are on the 10th but it didn’t work out that way.

LM: Oh, football! What’s a typical day look like for you?

LG: Typically, I wake up and head to the gym. After the gym, I go to work and get home around 5 or 6. Cap usually gets home right after me. I cook dinner. I check emails and straighten the house. Currently, I’m taking care of two houses since we still have one in Charlotte. We’re working on plans for building a house next year in Charlotte as well. It’s been pretty crazy and my days have been full! In the middle of all that, I’m taking care of Cap.  

LM: What are the pros and cons of being engaged to an NFL player? 

LG: The pros: It’s a blessing having financial stability. Cons: A con for Captain and I both is not being able to spend time with his two children: ages 4 ½ and 2. Football is a tough game and sometimes it comes with injuries...the name of the game is staying healthy. You have to be there as a support system for your guy and stay prayed up at all times. Also, going back and forth from Minnesota to Charlotte during season and offseason can be a lot; We close up one house to go to another house and then do the same routine all over a couple months later. Lastly, sometimes the fans and the women don't have any boundaries.

LM: What do you and your fiancé like to do for fun? What was the last movie you watched together?

LG: Captain and I like to watch movies. He loves the movie Friday so we watch that a lot and Bad Boys. When he has down time he likes to relax so we’ll watch Fresh Prince and Martin, classic shows that make us laugh. We have date nights too. We go out to dinner and movies. Straight Outta Compton was the last movie we saw in the theatres. We enjoy bowling even though I’m not that great at it. Cap is so competitive so it’s always, “I’m gonna beat you! Let’s see who can get a strike!”

LM: What are your long term goals? 

LG: My long term goals are to have a healthy relationship, a great marriage, and eventually more kids. He has two children but I want one more I think. I want to open up my own home care agency. One of my fears of post-football life is living paycheck to paycheck. We both make sure we have other stuff [outside of football] going on. Captain has a trucking company he’s working on. You have your financial advisors but you still have to prepare yourself. 

LM: What is your love advice to women (or women in the NFL)? 

LG: My love advice…hmm…Well, I make sure I tell Cap every morning before he leaves that I love him and give him a kiss. I always say, “Have a great day!” Keep God first in your relationship. Pray for him every night. Pray together every night before bed. Don’t go to bed mad at each other. Those are things we try to incorporate in our relationship.

LM: Great advice! Talk about what the NFL has meant for your family.

LG: The NFL has provided us with a blessed life thus far. We are able to provide for ourselves, and ensure the children and family are taken care of. The NFL has afforded Captain the opportunity to live out his dream of playing pro football. I love watching him out there every Sunday becoming a beast on the field.

LM: What would you like people to know about you?

LG: I would like people to know I’m humble and down to earth. I’m true to myself. I don’t let my surroundings dictate what I do or make me become something that I’m not. You see different things in the NFL but I’m just always me.

-LM

Q&A with NFL Wife Quiana Fluellen: "I Call it D-Day, Doom's Day!"

This week's WAG Feature Wednesday is of the sweet and talented Quiana Fluellen. Quiana and I were connected through a fellow NFL wife who encouraged me to interview this amazing young mama. We discussed how her and her husband Andre met at FSU, her role as a "weekend wife", her career as a physical therapist and more below!

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NFL WAG Stats

Name: Quiana Fluellen

Husband: Andre Fluellen

Husband is Rookie or Veteran: Veteran. Going into 8th season (Drafted to Detroit Lions in 2008, Dolphins, Bills) 

Children: Daughter Lyric Malia (Born May 29th)

NFLWAG: 8 years

Cities You've Lived in with NFL:  I’ve always been a working wife or a “weekend wife” which means I've always traveled back and forth to whatever city my husband is playing in. I love my career and patients so I’m always back and forth. 

Off Season Home: Atlanta (John’s Creek)

Favorite Food: Homemade Macaroni and Cheese 

Music on your iTunes: I LOVE 90's R&B music. I'm busy with the baby so I'm not up to date on many songs; I also LOVE Chris Brown

Hobbies: I like to do a lot of arts and crafts; my baby’s entire nursery is DIY and my wedding was DIY; I do acupuncture and practice on friends and my husband

Interesting Facts: I have a doctorate in Physical Therapy; I rehab my husband after games (in between games or off season)

 I have to hold my family together. My husband wants to hold his daughter." - Quiana Fluellen, NFL wife

Q&A

LM:  Where are you from originally and how did you get to where you are now?

QF: I’m from Gainesville, Florida originally. I went to Florida State and ran track, and my husband played football there so that’s how we met. I was so anti-athlete because I was an athlete. I said I would never date an FSU football player because of their rep. It’s a long story but we ended up dating. Andre went off to Detroit when he was drafted and I went to Tampa for my doctoral program. We married in July of 2013. He’s from Cartersville, Georgia so we decided to buy a house in Atlanta as our home base. I moved up here [Atlanta] after school and I travel back and forth.

LM: Very cool that you ran track in college. What did you run?

QF: I ran the 400m hurdles. I still run recreationally but I don’t do it competitively. I’m still active. I worked out my whole pregnancy and I still work out my patients so I’m always in the gym.

LM: You recently had a baby! Congrats! How has motherhood changed you? In what ways has it had an impact on your relationship with your husband?

QF: Motherhood has given me so much patience with my husband and other people! I have a better perspective about life and I don’t sweat the small things. My husband and I are closer because of Lyric. He never left my side during my 30-hour labor! I had a doula and we did different stretching and coping exercises. Andre did more research than I did during that time so I really saw that he was interested in my well-being. It was sad when he had to go to Training Camp because she was only 9 or 10 weeks old. This is our first daughter so he’s missed some milestones. I have a job here in Atlanta so I travel back and forth so she can see daddy and vice versa. We make it work. One adjustment of motherhood is having to be at the airport two hours earlier than I used to because I have my daughter!

LM: What’s a typical day look like for you?

QF: On Tuesdays and Thursdays I wake up at 5:45 a.m. and take Lyric to school, go to work and see patients, pick her up, wait for my husband to get off work to Skype, squeeze in some dinner, pump [breastfeeding], and go to bed. If Andre has a home game, we shoot up to NY on a Friday to see him, and fly back before I am scheduled to see patients on Tuesday. Currently, my days are scheduled around my daughter and building our business with the physiatrist I work with. We are looking to start a Sports Performance business here in Atlanta. I was in a position to put my career on hold and be a stay at home mom, but we prayed on it and decided to take the opportunity. This is my dream, our dream, to have a gym and train athletes. I know I put a ton of pressure on myself but this is what will better our family’s future since the NFL is so uncertain. It’s tough and I’m sleep-deprived but it’s worth it.

LM: What advice would you give to an NFL wife who wants to be a doctor or any other profession with a demanding schedule?

QF: If you truly truly want to do it, go for it! The opportunity may never happen again. I know a lot of people who regret not going to school or whatever they wanted to do. First of all, pray before you do anything! Of course, you should talk to your spouse. If you really want to do it, God will direct you in the way you should go. My husband respects me because of my work. Every household and person is different. I don’t judge any stay at home mom, working mom, or people without kids. We all have struggles. It’s tough to date or be married to a pro athlete.

LM:  What are those advantages and disadvantages of being married to a pro athlete?

QF: As far as the pros, I’ve met so many awesome women in Detroit! Meeting the other NFL wives is my favorite. I’m still friends with some of the Lions ladies even though we’re on different teams now. We stay in contact. Last year, my job was more flexible so I was able to go to Detroit and do some of the charity events and Bible studies with Andre. People don’t see the behind-the-scenes. These guys [NFL players] do some amazing things. Having the opportunity to impact the community is very rewarding. The biggest con is the 53-man cut! Training camp…your husband stressed out…not knowing. I call it D-day, Doom’s day! Am I gonna get a phone call from my husband saying, “I’m coming home to get back to training and we’ll wait for somebody to give me a call”? That’s been my husband’s story the past few years. It can truly hurt a guy’s self-esteem. You get cut so many times and it can break you down. Thank God he’s a Christian man because that lifestyle tears some people apart.  

LM: Very true! What is your love advice to women? 

QF: I know social media can tear a lot of relationships apart. Don’t compare yourselves to other people and other wives. You don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors. Try to let all of that external stuff go. That’s the main thing I’ve seen with wives. I try not to compare and that’s how my husband and I remain close to each other. LM: What type of activities, specifically, do you do with your spouse? 

QF: We love the outdoors. We kayak. We fish. I’m a country girl. My husband likes that I’m not afraid to get sweaty or dirty. We love to travel. We did a babymoon in Hawaii. We’re going to Greece or Brazil for my 30th. I like to work out with him. He doesn’t like to run as much because he’s a big guy. We’ll also go to theme parks.

LM: What do you think are the common misconceptions about NFL WAGS?

QF: There are A LOT OF misconceptions. The biggest ones are: “Yall got it made. You have nothing to worry about. You don’t have to worry about bills. What are you doing working? You don’t need to work.” Sometimes I tell my patients my husband is an entrepreneur because there’s a lot of judgment if I say he plays football. Individuals assume you don’t have any issues because you have “money”. I have a life. I have a baby. I have a job. A lot of people judge because of where you live and what you drive. TV gives us a bad rep. I don’t have a nanny! I have a bonnet on my head right now [LOL]! We’re normal women. We’re blessed. I’m not going to let anyone make me feel bad about my husband, our careers, or my life. 

LM: I’m familiar. I understand what you’re saying completely.

QF:  Your everyday isn’t like my everyday. I am very blessed to be in my position, but I'm not with my husband everyday.  I have to hold my family together. My husband wants to hold his daughter.

LM: Amen! Talk about what the NFL has meant for your family.

QF:  To me, the NFL is life. It’s pretty much what we’ve been going through since I’ve been with Andre. Every season and off season our life revolves around the NFL. On a positive note, we wouldn’t be able to do what we do without the NFL (from insurance to traveling). It’s still been a blessing regardless of the cuts and trades. We’ve been able to sustain our lifestyle. The NFL has a program called the NFL happy babies. They assign you to a nurse case manager who calls and follows your entire pregnancy. She checks on you with each milestone. First, you call the hotline (your husband should have number) and they set you up with a nurse and help you find a nutritionist. At 28 weeks they get you an electric breast pump. They give you $600 after the baby is born which pretty much helps with copays. You can call the hotline any time you have questions about your pregnancy. If you don’t have a healthy and smooth pregnancy they have other resources. I had a healthy pregnancy so I didn’t utilize those resources. I did appreciate that program. It made my pregnancy easier.

LM: What would you like people to know about you?

QF: I love my husband. I really look up to him. He brought me closer to Christ. We’ve grown completely from college to now. We joined a church here and had a family. We are trying as a family to put God first. Whatever we were doing before Christ wasn’t working so something had to change. Also, I want people to know that I make it work for my family!

-LM

Q&A with NFL Wife Jessica McClendon: "It's Not What You See on TV"

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This week's WAG Feature Wednesday is of the sweet, beautiful Southern belle Jessica McClendon. Jessica and I recently connected through an NFL wives prayer group. Although our husbands played together on the Jaguars last year, we never actually met. Our paths crossed this year and we have mutual WAG friends. I was so excited to get to know Jessica, and learn more about her and her beautiful family. This NFL wife and mother is as kind-hearted and selfless as she can be. Read more from the interview below...

NFL WAG Stats

Name: Jessica McClendon

Husband: Jacques McClendon

Husband is Rookie or Veteran: Vet. Going into 6th season (Indianapolis Colts, Detroit Lions, Atlanta Falcons, Jacksonville Jaguars, Miami Dolphins)

Children: Daughter Madison

NFLWAG: 6 years

Cities You've Lived in with NFL: I personally have lived in Detroit, Atlanta, Jacksonville and Miami

Off Season Home: Tennessee

Favorite Food: I love frozen grapes & Italian food

Hobbies: Running, kayaking, fishing, camping (anything outside)

Music on your Playlist: Mix[ture] of everything. I have some Lauren Diagle (Christian artist), Drake, Florence & The Machine

Interesting Facts: My absolute favorite time of the year is FALL and I watch Hocus Pocus three to four times by the end of July. I'm a kid at heart! Typically, I like to try to go to Disney one time during the Fall because they have it decorated. Disney is like my favorite thing ever!

I choose to focus more on the positive and the blessings." - Jessica, NFL wife

Q&A

LM: Where are you from originally and how did you get to where you are now?

JM: I’m from East Tennessee. Jacques and I grew up in the same town and attended the same middle school. In college, he went to play football at UT and I ran cross country at a private Christian school in Tennessee. We had the same close friends and became best friends before we started dating. We were engaged right before training camp started in 2011 and married in 2012.

LM: How has the transition from Jacksonville to Miami been?

JM: The transition to Miami has been new. I fell in love with Jacksonville and the people I met. I have never met such an amazing group of women. Some were football wives and others were from Bible study or girl’s nights. I’m taking life friends from Jacksonville. It was a sad departure. We haven’t gotten a chance to meet anyone in Miami yet. Things are different now that I’m traveling with a baby.

LM: People may see Miami as a city you wouldn’t want your husband to play in just because of the nightlife and what Miami is known for. How has your experience been?

JM: I mean I’m sure Miami is cool when you’re going for vacation. It’s a gorgeous place and it’s fast. I’m from a small town so life in Miami is fast to me. We don’t stay near South Beach though. Jacques and I have awesome date nights. We’ll do dinner and go see the best the city has to offer but we don’t live the fast life. The driving...the people…it stresses me out. In your welcome book [from the team] they tell you you need to be very defensive when you drive here.

LM: Have you ventured out much in Miami or met any of the other wives of the Dolphins?

JM: I was welcomed to the city. Lauren Tannehill (QB Ryan Tannehill’s wife) reached out to me and was awesome. She took time out of her day to share valuable information. Lauren is from Texas but has been in Miami for awhile so she’s more established and has some great friends. Even though her and Ryan don’t have kids, she found out about her friend’s pediatrician. She suggested great areas to live in and even printed out recommended churches. She was very inviting and I appreciated that. Especially going from team to team to team. We are modern day nomads.

LM: How long have you and your husband been married? How many years have you been an NFL WAG?

JM: We married in March 2012 and recently celebrated our three year anniversary. I have been an NFL WAG for six years.

LM: Congratulations on another anniversary!

JM: Thank you! People will tell us, “I look at your relationship and it gives me hope.” I want to be different with everything I do. I don’t like where the norm is going.

LM: What type of activities, specifically, do you do with your spouse?

JM: As far as date nights? Anything spontaneous! We do whatever we feel like doing. We’re super close with my family so my mom can watch our daughter. There is a jump park in Tennessee next to a brewery with a bowling alley. We go to that area often.

LM: What are the pros and cons of being married to an NFL player?

JM: It’s like a shooting star! It is a blessing. The places we are able to go and the people we are able to network with is a benefit. However, it can be extremely stressful. I carry the stress of health. I think about my husband’s health, my closest [NFL] friends and their husband’s health. It’s a tough job doing what they do everyday. As a wife looking ahead 50 years from now I worry about my husband’s wellbeing. The decisions you have to make and the frequent travel is different. The amount of people who live this lifestyle is very limited so that part is difficult (not having many people to relate to what we go through). I choose to focus more on the positive and the blessings.

LM: You recently had a baby girl named Madison. Tell me about her.

JM: Oh Madison! She’ll be one year in September. Docile is never a term I would use to describe this child. She’s crazy, curious, happy, always waving at people. She’s everything I imagined a mix of my husband and I would be. She’s expressive. She’s fun. She’s awesome! She’s the biggest blessing we’ve ever received.

LM: How has motherhood changed your life?

JM: Motherhood has been a huge adjustment to say the least. I’m used to traveling, packing a bag and flying on a whim. If we were headed to London next week I’d say okay! Now, going to new areas has been a big deal. You have to find a trusted sitter just so you can have date night. I have to think about late night emergency care, pediatricians, and all these elements I never thought of before. It’s also changed the way I look at Jacques. The way he is with his daughter, how he looks at her and how he expresses providing for us makes me fall in love with him all over again.

LM: That’s so sweet! Let’s talk about your daily schedule since motherhood. What does your day look like?

JM: I usually wake up at 6:30 a.m. and get Madison changed. My husband goes to workout. Madison and I go run before it gets too warm. I come home and feed her, get our laundry done, go to the grocery (healthy foods), check any emails from the pediatrician, and pick up any suits from the dry cleaners. If Jacques has anywhere to go then I make sure he is packed and ready. At night, we have dinner and get our family time in, give Madison a bath, bedtime story, and put her to bed. After our daughter is asleep, we take some time to talk to each other about the day. He studies film and goes to bed early and we do it all over again the next day. Its chaotic but it’s fun. I love it.

LM: What is your love advice to all women and women inside the NFL? Is there a difference?

JM: Love your man. Support your man. Be there for him. Tell him the things he needs to hear. Be his #1. I think that’s why he married me. Jacques tells me I went above and beyond 24/7 and do the things that make him want to be better.

LM: Talk about what the NFL has meant for your family.

JM: It’s afforded my husband many opportunities. The NFLPA has given him the opportunity to do internships. It’s given him the chance to network and connect with important people so when he’s done with NFL, he’ll have something to fall back on. His post-football career is extremely important to him. We’ve been able to travel to new places and meet incredible individuals who have taught us things. He’s made great relationships with some of the guys he played with. The level he’s getting to play at is a cool experience. The average career for players in the NFL is 3 years. It’s been a huge blessing and I love to see him succeed.

LM: You mentioned that your husband was able to do some internships while active in the league. What were those?

JM: He interned with an Athletic Director at a university and also with the NCAA headquarters. When he was in school he received his Master’s in Sports Administration. He wants to help athletes.

LM: What are your hobbies?

JM: I like to be on the river a lot. I grew up in mountain area. I also like being fit, running and biking.

LM: You seem like an avid runner. Does your husband run with you?

JM: That’s NOT happening at all. He’ll ride the bike but tell me, “I am NOT joining you on that long run.” I try as much as I possibly can to run. I’m not running on the treadmill; I’m a point A to point B kinda person. I’m setting goals and looking into my cadence and heart rate. I want to do 5k, 10k, and half marathons. I hope to do them with my little girl and save the t-shirts to make a blanket out of them. Plus, in the future when she’s a big teenager and mom isn’t cool then maybe she will have some fun memories to look back on and she’ll think of all the things we actually did together. I want her to grow up having a fit and active lifestyle.

LM: What would you like people to know about you?

JM: Umm…I don’t know. I think it would be obvious that my heart’s in the right place and I absolutely adore my family. I try to show those things anyway so I hope that it would be obvious.

LM: What would you like people to know about NFL families or the NFL lifestyle?

JM: That it is NOT what people think. It’s not what you see on TV. There’s a small percentage that is like that but that’s for all realms: basketball, Hollywood, etc. The cattiness that you see on television is not real life. We want each other to do well. We’re watching out for each other. It’s not the dramatic stuff that you see. It’s not as glamourous as they make it out to be. It’s not what it seems.

LM: Being a football WAG who has experienced different teams, what has been your experience with other NFL WAGS?

JM: Jacques was first drafted to the (Indianapolis) Colts. There was an age gap between us and the other families and we weren’t engaged yet. I was the girlfriend. A lot of the guys had been there for a long time and they had wives and kids. They were very inviting but I didn’t meet girls my age or in my situation (Jacques and I were long distance). In Detroit Jacques and I had just gotten married and I met Robs wife Natalie and she was awesome. She reached out to me and gave advice. She explained things to me like, “This is your responsibility now. You’re a wife now. This is what he needs from you.” That advice has never left me. Her dad was in the NFL also so she had lived that life. Her counsel left a lasting impact. Then we moved to Atlanta and I didn’t meet anyone for almost an entire season. I was back and forth in and out of Atlanta so I may have separated myself more. Once I became a part of the NFL wives prayer group, I connected with some women in Atlanta the night before my husband was released. Then we got a deal with the Jaguars and made the move to Florida! Jacksonville embraced me more than any other place, but overall I have not had any negative experience. I do know there is cattiness. One of best friends in Jacksonville had to move to another team. She told me It was a lot harder for her to get involved. All of my experiences have been positive though. I’m such an include-r. I want everyone to be a part. Honestly, the women I have had the opportunity to be around really have been incredible. They are intelligent, driven leaders. They are engineers, nurses, they work for PR firms. They are hard-working moms with Master's degrees. Some of them are life long forever friends and we are all WAGS out here supporting our better half.

Great attitude and insight, Mrs. McClendon! Thanks for being a noble example of an NFL WAG. Good luck in Miami this season!

-LM

Featured WAG Marissa Allen: "I Like to Feed People"

My fourth NFL WAG feature is of the sweet and bubbly, Mrs. Marissa Allen. Marissa and I found each other via social media. After receiving her immediate support of the blog, I asked for an interview. We had the most natural phone conversation earlier this week discussing her life and experiences as an NFL wife. She's such a wonderful, well-rounded woman! Read the Q&A below...

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NFL WAG Stats

Name: Marissa Allen

Husband: Jeff Allen 

Husband is Rookie or Veteran: Veteran. Headed into 4th season (drafted to KC Chiefs in 2012)

Children:  Daughter  named Joy Elise

NFLWAG: 4 years 

Cities You've Lived in with NFL: Kansas City

Favorite Food: All Mexican food (enchiladas, tacos, fajitas) 

Hobbies: Cooking; working out; staying active; blogging at thenewmrsallen.com; photography (taking classes and eventually want to open a business)

Interesting Facts: I'm an only child; I'm left-handed; I have a degree in Marketing from the University of Illinois; I was a Division I athlete (soccer); I'm certified to substitute teach

Q&A

LM:  Where are you from originally and how did you get to where you are now?

MA: I’m from Dallas, Texas. I received a scholarship to play soccer at the University of Illinois and that’s where I met my husband. We got engaged on Christmas Eve, semester before I graduated. I was interviewing for jobs at the time, but made the decision to move to Kansas City to be with my husband and that’s where we are now.

LM: How long have you been married? How many years have you been an NFLWAG? 

MA: We’ve been married for just over a year. Our wedding was last year on June 14th. I have been with him since he was drafted so four years now as an NFLWAG.

LM: What are the pros and cons of being married to an NFL player? 

MA: The pros would be getting to travel to amazing places and doing some really impactful charity work. One of the reasons I love my husband is that he has a huge heart. He loves to use his current position to help others. We [WAGs] can take them for granted but NFL games are special and attending them is a plus about this lifestyle. The fact that my husband has the opportunity to provide for our family is also an  obvious positive. Some of the cons would be the public opinion of our husbands’ performance. Sometimes the comments and media coverage is hard to hear and read. Another con would be the uncertainty surrounding where we’re going to live the next year. The long days and nights coupled with the travel can be hard but I know some other sports have it worse than we do. The injuries! The injuries and not knowing what state my husband is going to be in as our daughter gets older is tough. Will he need a knee replacement, have memory loss, head trauma from concussions? That sort of thing is a negative as well.

LM: I know your husband had a recent injury? How did he get injured?

MA:  My husband tore his bicep in the first game of the season last year. It was a season-ending injury but he has since made a full recovery.

LM: I am so happy to hear that! How did he tear his bicep? 

MA: The injury occurred on a field goal protection play. I actually didn’t realize he was badly injured till the end of the game. He went back in for a few plays after tearing it. It was nice having him around during the pregnancy though! [Laughs]

LM: What is your love advice to all women? Advice for women inside the NFL? 

MA: For all women, communication is my love advice. Don’t let issues build up. You can’t fix a problem if your spouse doesn't know it exists! My husband and I are still working on that. We always put things to the side because of the (football) season and say we’ll deal with it later. If you can deal with issues when they occur, things will be a lot better. To the NFL wives, my advice would be not to worry about what is not in our control. We can’t worry about if we’re going to be on the team next year or about playing time, all we can do is be supportive and be there for them.

LM: You recently had a baby girl! Miss Joy Elise. Describe what that experience was like? How was your pregnancy and delivery? 

MA: We found out about the pregnancy the day we figured out my husband needed surgery on his bicep so we had a lot going on. Pregnancy was good! I had a very by-the-book pregnancy. No cravings! I gained a decent amount of weight but didn’t get sick. Delivery was better than I could have hoped for; I only pushed for about 35 minutes. We’re so thankful she’s here! We just sit around and stare at her all day still. She’ll be three months on Monday [today!]. She’s my little twin.

LM: Tell me more about your little princess. What does she like to do?

MA: Joy likes attention. She doesn’t care if you’re watching TV or not, she wants you to talk to her. She likes to roll and struggles with it sometimes but she tries. She loves all music including rap! When my husband plays it I'm like, "Good thing she doesn’t know what they’re saying." She doesn’t like wearing bows but she has to because she gets called a boy often!

LM: Really? She doesn’t look like a boy to me!

MA: It’ s mostly older people who call her a boy and I don’t want to sound rude or anything so I go with it.

LM: What are your hobbies? 

MA: I do a lot of cooking. I like to feed people. That’s my love language. If I feed you that means I like you! I’m also really into natural hair care because I have to do something to tame this wild and curly hair. I love fitness. I’m into hot yoga, orange theory, and fusion fitness (plyometrics workout). I like the workout DVD’s as well. I have PiYo [Chalene Johnson] right now and I’m saving it for while my husband is at training camp.

Check out Marissa’s blog for awesome recipes here. 

LM: I’ve heard a lot about this Orange Theory fitness lately. What is it?

MA: I think you’d like it because you were an athlete. It’s a mixture of strength, endurance and power days. The workout incorporates treadmills, water rowers and a weight floor. In a workout, you run on the treadmill for about 20 minutes and then do a mixture of water rowing and weights. It’s really competitive and changes everyday. It’s all heart-rate based. My coach back in college was really into that. Each person wears a heart monitor in class and it’s designed so you get the most out of each session. The goal is to get in the orange zone which is like the sweet spot. There’s a huge screen in the facility so you can glance up during the workout and see if you’re in the orange range. If not, you know to push a little harder. It’s a great way to maximize your workouts.

LM: I saw a post about your natural hair journey. How has that been going? What are some of your favorite products?

MA: I’m not anti-makeup or anti-hair straightening, I just don’t have as much time as I used to. I just found going natural to be easier for me. My favorite style is a roller set. I like big curls and big hair. Get you some flexi rods, ladies! My favorite products are: unrefined coconut oil from Trader Joes and Aunt Jackie’s Coils and Curls (you can buy them at the Dollar Store and beauty supply). Mixed Chics is a good line too and so is Miss Jessie’s.

LM: I’ve been wanting to try some organic hair remedies. Do you do those?

MA: Some of those organic hair remedies were an epic fail for me. Like anything with an egg was a no! So be careful.

LM: I love that you are a fellow former student-athlete. What position did you play in soccer?

MA: I played Forward.

LM: Do you follow the U.S. Women's soccer team? What did you think about their World Cup Victory last month?

MA: I watched a little. It's incredible for the sport! I hope more girls are interested in giving soccer a try now. A lot of my college teammates still play in the WPSL (Women's Premier Soccer League) and they will appreciate all the new women's soccer fans.

LM: Do you play in any soccer leagues or are you finished playing?

MA: I don't play anymore. I don't think my ankles or knees would appreciate it. I had surgery concluding my senior season. I'm just looking forward to coaching my daughter's team one day!

LM: What do you think about all the coverage lately surrounding NFL players and domestic violence? 

MA: The news is trying to sell something so they obviously focus on the negative. The problem does need to be remedied. There are NFL guys who treat their significant others like queens, but a guy treating his wife nicely isn’t going to sell. I do wish the coverage was a little more even. That’s all they want to talk about right now.

LM: What has the NFL meant for your family?

MA: The NFL has meant a lot in that it is a job for my husband. He is able to support our family and it’s also provided me with opportunities to do different things. I personally have done a lot of community service with my husband and it’s allowed me to see what causes I’m passionate about. We’ve also met some other really incredible people. I’ve met NFL wives who are lawyers, real estate agents, and culinary artists.  Many of us continue to work, or make a sacrifice and put it on hold for the sake of family. Some of the football guys have really impactful stories too. It’s cool to be around such driven and accomplished people. Makes you want to be a better person.

LM: You mentioned doing a lot of charity work. What are some of the causes and organizations dear to your heart?

MA: My husband is really interested in going back and helping out where he grew up in Chicago. We are associated with a foundation called HEROH. My husband is proud to sit on their board as a Director. It was started by one of his former college teammates, Chris James. They provide academic services like SAT classes, ACT prep, and tutoring. They also have sport-specific training  and assist with recruiting exposure. It’s an accountability thing. HEROH provides a framework. They’ve taken some of the kids to tour colleges which is huge. We weren’t as involved this year because of my pregnancy but they are doing big things. I mentioned before that one of my passions is food. I cry every time I see one of those “a kid goes hungry” commercials. Since I love to cook I’m like I am there for you. I’ll feed you for days to come. We also did some work with the Kansas City Chiefs at a local women’s shelter. It’s been a really good experience and heart breaking to see what some of these women need. They need hair care products, especially black hair care products, feminine products, and items for their babies. I couldn’t image not having access to some of those things.

Click here for more information on HEROH!

LM: What would you like people to know about you?

MA: I’m a separate person from my husband. I made the conscious decision to support him in his passion. I have dreams too, it’s just not the time for me to pursue them…and I’m okay with that! That’s part of the reason I started the blog. Most NFL wives are nothing like we see on television; I don’t have any friends that want to go to lunch with me THAT often or want to fight with me. We don’t have time to be in each others business like that.

LM: What type of activities, specifically, do you do with your spouse? 

MA: We just recently bought a Wii so date nights look a little different now. We put our daughter to bed and play the video game (golf, Mario Kart, etc). We do Top Golf too. My husband’s favorite date is a movie and dinner. Oh, we bought a dart board too! We just turned our basement into a one stop date night. We also go to the Farmer’s Market together a lot. Well, I think he does it to please me but I like to go!

LM: What would you like people to know about NFL families or the NFL lifestyle?

MA: The players out on the field are somebody’s son, husband, and father. Keep that in mind when you’re hurling insults. I just had a bad experience with that. We went to a playoff game two seasons ago but it wasn't in Kansas City. I was sitting next to another player’s wife where her husband went down with an injury. Fans were yelling, “Good! Good! Get him out of there.” You should never cheer for someone’s injury or misfortune!

LM: Do you have any favorite recipes?

MA: One of my family favorites is coconut granola. My husband loves it and my mother in law requests jars of it at a time. It’s not necessarily my favorite but it’s the most practical, not loaded with sugar, and a no fail recipe! It’s easy and has a long shelf life.

Find Marissa’s coconut granola (pictured) recipe here.

LM: Anything else you would like to add?

MA: I just really appreciate you doing this. I am not sure how I found out about it. I think it was on my (Instagram) Popular page. I saw your site and was like oh wow! This is awesome. There aren’t as many sources talking about the positive aspects of professional athlete’s significant others. I’ve also seen the articles that rate NFL wives by looks and that is just absolutely ridiculous. We have way more to offer. People are going to make judgments but at least you’re giving people something to base them off of.

-LM

Featured WAG Sara Hood: "You Look Like An Athlete's Wife"

My first NFL WAG feature is of my dear friend Sara Hood. Sara and I met last year while our husbands both played for the Jacksonville Jaguars. She is indeed one of the most beautiful women I have ever met on the inside as well as the outside. She is the type of woman to compliment another woman in a heartbeat. She's super funny, keeps it real, and loves her family. Sara is married to Ziggy Hood (currently with the Jaguars). They have been together almost 10 years and married for 5 years. I sat down with Sara to ask her a few questions and gain the perspective of a woman who has lived this life for several years. Read what she had to say below…

Name: Sara Hood

Husband: Ziggy Hood 

Husband is Rookie or Veteran: Veteran -7th year (Pittsburg Steelers, Jacksonville Jaguars)

Children: Two boys

NFLWAG: 7 years (and counting) 

Cities You've Lived in with NFL: Pittsburg & Jacksonville

Favorite Food: Any dessert!

Hobbies: Makeup (check out her IG @embracingbeautybysara) Interesting Facts: I used to work for a Congressman in Missouri before Ziggy got drafted; I used to figure skate; I’m great at salsa dancing & I enjoy it! 

Q&A

LM: Do you have any fears about appearing on a public blog?

SH: Judgment or people getting the wrong idea of who we are as wives. Also, letting physical attributes be the only judgment made . I had a man come up to me one day and say, "You look like an athlete's wife." I was offended by that.

LM: Where are you from originally and how did you get to where you are now?

SH: I’m from Seattle. Ziggy and I met in college at the University of Missouri. I had three rules for myself in college: 1. I would NOT date my Freshman year. 2. I would NOT date a man with tattoos. 3. I would NOT date an athlete.

LM: I see you broke all three rules (laugh out loud)! Explain how that happened.

SH: The dorms I stayed in at Missouri were coed. My roommate and I stayed on the second floor. There were several athletes in the dorms as well. Ziggy stayed on the third floor. My roommate saw him before I did and she introduced us…and pushed..and pushed. She said, “Give him a shot,” and I would reply “No, I’m good.” I didn’t talk to him until a few weeks after we initially met. We happened to have a movie night on our floor and Ziggy was there. We talked through the entire movie (couldn’t tell you what the movie was about). We started dating a few months after that.

LM: Did he officially ask you to be his girlfriend at that point? How did that go down?

SH: We were super nerdy. He would play this computer game called Star Craft and we also used to watch cartoons in our dorm room. One morning while watching [pause] Spongebob he asked me, “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

LM: How did you respond to him when he asked?

SH: I am my parent’s oldest child and I had the pressure of being the oldest child and being in college. The way I grew up is you date to marry. How did I respond to him? I said, “If you think you’re just going to sleep with me and then drop me like a bad pair of dice, you got another thing coming! I’m going to come back in an hour with my decision.” I actually left the room after that, but when I came back later in the day I told him yes and we’ve been inseparable since.

LM: Love that story! What would you say are the pros and cons of being married to an NFL player? 

SH: I guess the pros would be knowing that your family is taken care of and being able to stay at home and take care of my kids and my husband. The cons include the lack of privacy sometimes and hearing people say bad things about our spouses. I can take the comments about football but when it starts to get personal and people talk about our family is when I have the issue. Also, the judgment and perception of NFL wives. People assume I'm stuck up, bougie, and a “label whore”.  They assume I’m like the housewives on reality TV. Then after a ten minute conversation when they see I can hold a convo about politics (used to work for a Congressman) or this and that then they change their opinion.

LM: You seem to have such a healthy and grounded relationship with your husband. What is your love advice to the people? 

SH: I am going to speak from a general perspective and give advice for the football life. I remember another wife once giving us the advice, “Don’t forget to date each other even after you’re married and have kids.” I didn’t realize how important that would be, especially until after we had children. It’s important to connect. You can’t be going in two different directions. Also, it’s important for me to have my quiet time. Do things where you’re not so tied up with your partner but also find the time to connect with your partner. My husband and I call it “checking in” whether it’s talking or playing a game, whatever, we make sure to check in. Do something where Christ is the center of it all: pray together, read together, etc. Doesn’t mean relationships and marriage is perfect. It’s work. A marriage has to have two people willing to connect, invest and want to work at the marriage continually. In the middle of our marriage is Christ. We know marriage can be difficult but it’s beautiful. As long as Christ is in the middle and always present in our marriage we will continue to be blessed, not by the money or lifestyle which (side note, is a good thing) but by having peace, love, happiness, and our family together. In terms of football, one of the things my husband does well is leave football on the field. You HAVE to learn to leave stuff on the field. That’s also where having a good partner comes in to be a sounding board and be that support system.

LM: What would you like people to know about you?

SH: A lot of the NFL wives I know are amazing women. I have been super blessed that when we were in Pittsburg (with the Steelers) in particular, Yonka Clark (wife of NFL player Ryan Clark) was there to show me how it is done. She is one of the most amazing women I have ever met in my entire life. She would say, “It’s not only about football but being happy. Are you happy? Are you in tune with your husband and kiddos? When football becomes serious, that’s where we come in to support.” Like the Bible says, we are there to help. We do more than just look pretty. Doesn’t mean we don’t clean up nice or have nice things but we are more than a pretty face. There are super smart wives who have degrees, who have or had amazing careers, and who are mothers.

Ziggy and I have a child with special needs. One great benefit of being an NFL wife is the platform it gives us. A cause dear to my heart is education on children with autism. Since we have a son with autism our work with HEAL foundation and our platform allows us to reach more people and spread awareness. [Learn more about the HEAL foundation and the Hoods in the article below]

Read Ziggy's Father's Day article with the Players Tribune here 

LM: What does being an NFL wife mean to you?

SH: I don’t want to sound offensive but in reality, not a whole lot. I'm proud to be a wife. More importantly, I am proud to be MY Ziggy's wife. That means more to me than being an NFL wife. People tend to judge us wives based on what our husbands do for a living. What my husband does for a job does not define me or who I am and it doesn’t define who he is either. There is nothing on my work page (social media) that has to do with my husband and there is a reason for that. Does football allow us to have a wonderful life? Absolutely. Are we able to take care of a child with special needs without having to worry about insurance and all that? Absolutely. Do I enjoy football? Absolutely. I am a fan of the sport. But I am more a fan of my husband. I get the privilege of meeting amazing women (through the NFL)…that’s something that I enjoy. Football is not everything we are.

Spoken like a true veteran, Mrs. Hood...

-LM